The life and adventures of Robbie Gould

The world today is anything but perfect. We ask ourselves, “Why is the world so wrong?” I think I can help to explain that. People are suffering from what I like to call a “lack of knowledge and dignity.” I’m not blaming anybody, but ignorance is the worst world problem. There is a time in every person’s life where they have done something wrong and may not have even known about it. Parenting is a great example. Adults that have bad children never think to say, “Maybe I’m doing something wrong…” Instead they are trying to blame their problems on other people. Like the violence of video games. Parents with hostile children that have played gruesome games think that the games are to blame. But never think that it could be that the child is hostile because the parents are no longer in control. It’s very hard for people to take responsibility for the actions they have taken. It’s hard to swallow your pride and admit you had done wrong. That’s where the dignity comes in. Only a dignified person has the ability to know they were wrong, and do anything to make it right. That’s the world’s biggest problem. It’s like the old saying, “Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.” People try to get away from taking responsibility for their actions so they turn to any kind of person or object and place the blame on them. And I have taken my responsibility and I live with my guilt.

The first time I was ever struck by tragedy was when I was about eleven. At this point in my life, I have had this dog for about 3 years now. Her name was Cloie. She was the family pet and a very well behaved dog. She was the source of a lot of joy in the family. Everyone loved to play with her and she added light into any room she just happen to be in. We all loved that dog.

It was a normal fall day and my father had asked if my brother and I wanted to take a walk in the woods with him. We agreed but our only condition was for us to bring our family dog Cloie. Cloie had been in the family for quite some time and we all loved that dog with all our hearts. But today was no ordinary walk in the woods. When we had arrived at our destination we all exited the truck and began to walk along a set of train tracks. I stayed a good 20 yards behind my father and my brother and I had the dog with me. Dad and my brother went off to the side for a little bit and I was just watching what they were doing. All of a sudden, I heard my dad say, “Get off the tracks Rob.” I turned around and saw a train far into the distance but closing fast. So I proceeded to casually walk off the tracks. Seconds later I turned to see Cloie looking at me but still on the tracks. So I called her, over and over. She was only about three feet away from me so all I had to do was walk over and pick her up. But since I was little, I never even thought about it. The train started to come closer, and that’s when the panic set in. I started to yell for the dog to come but she just stood there, like she didn’t understand. I could barely hear anything with the roar of the train horn in my ear. Before I knew it the train was only seconds away and at this point all I could do was watch in horror as Cloie ran as fast as she could to get away from the train. But the train was too fast… At first it had hit her in the back of the head and only knocked her down. I could see her under the train; I could see the pain and agony she was feeling. And all I could do was stand there like a helpless child. I was still screaming at the top of my lungs. All I wanted was for her to stay where she was, and she would be ok. Instead… she attempted to jump from underneath the train between the wheels. She didn’t make it. Imagine the image of my faithful dog’s head rolling past me because I couldn’t save her. She was decapitated by the wheels of the train. All I could do was scream and cry at the top of my lungs. I take full responsibility for what had happened. All I had to do was physically take the dog off the tracks with the ample time that I had. But I didn’t… Because I did not act my dog and best friend died right in front of me. It is a scene I will never forget. And to this day I just think…

“Cloie was my best friend, she slept with me when times were rough, and she was always there to just play with. She was a perfect dog and very well behaved. She made my life all the better, she made me happy. And how did I repay her? I stood there and watched her die, and I will not make that mistake again with anyone I care about.”

That story is the main reason I care so much. Most people don’t understand why I am such a compassionate person. Never again will I let a loved one get hurt because I’m too scared to do anything about it. If I don’t help people, who will? I think that’s why I help people; I may never get the chance to later. I know that if everyone wasn’t so selfish and greedy, the world would be a better place.

I also felt for the longest time that I was responsible for the death of my godmother. Her name was Darcee Ditman and she was a great person. She was always caring and knew how to put a smile on everyone’s face. The day was a Friday and she had just gotten remarried to a nice guy named Tom. They were so happy to tie the knot that the reception was three days long. It was just a big party and everyone was drinking and having a good time. On the final day, Sunday, the party was winding down and I had been playing on a trampoline. I started to feel bored. So I asked my parents if we could leave. They had told me the time they wanted to leave, but I was very young and very impatient so I made a fuss about leaving. Eventually my parents had enough and decided to take me home. Even today this is hard for me to write. I still feel responsible for what happened. Not fifteen minutes after we had left, Darcee had a heart attack. She had pains in her arm but she ignored them because she thought she was just nervous about the wedding. Darcee Ditman died two days after she had gotten re-married. She had two sons that I considered brothers. Corey and Cal Ditman had lost their father at a young age. So Tom was the person to be there as a father figure. If we had stayed at this reception, she would not have died. My mother is a trained nurse and would’ve known exactly what to do. My mother could’ve saved her. But because I was impatient, my godmother died. She meant everything to her children and her new husband. I blamed myself for the longest time. I couldn’t even look in a mirror for the longest time. I could not stand to look at myself knowing that I had been responsible for my godmother dying. I know today that it wasn’t my fault.

My impatience got my godmother killed. It was because I was too impatient and wanted to leave and would not take no for an answer. I know now that there was no way in knowing what was going to happen, and that it wasn’t my fault. The days that were to come after showed me the old saying “patience is a virtue” is very true. The days that were to follow the untimely death of my godmother taught me to be as patient as possible; and I think I have done a pretty good job with it. Being patient has brought many blessings to my life.

But life isn’t just about reliving tragedies. Or dwelling on mistakes we’ve made. Our mistakes define who we are. Life gives many gifts. The greatest gift I had ever been given were my friends. But there are two friends that have made the most difference. Their names are Dustin Albert, and Dominic Sharrer. Dustin has been my best friends since the first grade. We have been through almost everything together. Dustin was a kid that I always had fun with, even if we weren’t doing anything. He was always like my conscience. He would always steer me in a better direction. Then there is Dom. Dom and I have had our high and low times. I’ve helped him through a lot and he has helped me through a lot as well. I consider him and Dustin my brothers. We’ve had some really crazy times. I remember one particular week. My parents had gone away for a week and I had most of my closest friends over. I had been into marijuana but had never had the need to try anything else. One person in particular who was with me a lot of those days was Joe English. One night I decided to “trip” for the first time on mushrooms. He agreed to keep me company along with a lot of my closest friends. That night was one of the craziest nights I’ve ever experienced to this day. There was a second night of this madness but it’s all one big blur to me now. That week was the most fucked up week of my life. We partied like there was no tomorrow because there wasn’t. These were the nights that defined us. The first intense night was the first night I tripped. There were two nights and it’s hard to remember what night was what. I am the only person that can really describe what happened; and the last person to be able to describe them. But to put it mildly, I went completely nuts. Another friend that was tripping with me that night was the incredible Dom Sharrer. Over the summer I can’t think of anyone I got more fucked up with than him. Dom is a person who sees things for what they really are and appreciates life from the sky to a grain of sand.

I didn’t use to appreciate my life. I was always searching for that special something to fill this void I had felt ever since the death of my godmother. At college it happened, I fell in love. The girl I was dating was the most amazing girl I had ever met. Her name was Melissa. All I could do was smile anytime she was around. I just couldn’t stop smiling. She had given me something back I didn’t even know I lost. My heart. But it wasn’t a great relationship. There was cheating and lying. Those are two qualities that I cannot stand in anyone. I believe in order to have a good relationship you have to always be honest. If you can’t be honest with your partner, you do not truly care about them. I told the truth, and it always got me in trouble. I tell the truth to the people I care about because I want the same in return. Without truth you can not have trust. Trust is also a huge need in a relationship. We were both jealous people; and were both controlling. Our personalities began to clash after a while and fighting began. Neither of us ever wanted to be wrong and would never settle for it. We would both get so worked up that we’d be screaming at each other over the most petty things. It was best that we had broken up but I will always care about her. I loved her with all my heart, and when you do that, it is the most special feeling in the world. But love is a roller coaster, but instead of being too little to ride, some people’s maturity levels are too low. A real relationship takes time and a lot of effort. Which I had found out afterwards she just didn’t care about the relationship from the start. This is something that I had trouble swallowing. If you go into a relationship, it’s all or nothing. I loved that girl and always will. But sometimes you just have to move on.

Though love is a great thing, there’s still more to life. I give thanks everyday for my wonderful life. I could not ask for anything more. The power of love and loss are incredible, and both have the most effect on us. Love and loss are two things that stick with a person for a long time. Sometimes it’s amazing, and sometimes it can be devastating. All we can do from the experiences is to learn from them. The more you go through in life, the better of a person you are. I’ve had a tough life, but it has been good. I love being compassionate and making people smile. If I can get someone to smile, I think I’ve made the world a better place. When it comes down to it, when I make people smile it makes me smile.

Things are different now with my friends. People change, especially when you don’t keep in touch. I’ve noticed a lot of my friends have changed over the months I’ve been to college. Sometimes it is a good change, but I haven’t noticed many good changes. It’s hard to explain the feeling of being betrayed by a person you considered a good friend; a friend that you’ve chilled with for many crazy nights. Imagine how I felt to go back home only to find out when I was there, this “friend” had stolen from me. It just goes to show how people you consider to be a good friend can be so shady. It’s not like the people up at my college. Everyone I am friends with are trustworthy and have no reason not to be. We all co-exist in a peaceful way. It’s strange to say, but I’d choose college over home any day. Even with all the good memories, the crazy nights and the good times, I don’t really think I belong there anymore. Mostly because a friendship is between two people that trust and help each other. If I ever needed help I know who I can turn to. Not all my friends back home have changed for the worst. There’s no way to explain how I feel about some people changing. You expect to be friends with some people forever, but at some point you realize that you won’t have your friends forever. As depressing as it sounds, the old friends are always replaced with new ones. Good times with endure and you’ll still be happy, but what does it all mean? Does it mean that people are replaceable? I guess friends will come and go, but true friends will be there for the rest of your life.